MY PROCESS AS AN INTERSEX PERSON
My name is An, and I love to play sports; I'd even say I'm a sporty type. I've tried a bit of everything in sports. I've swum, I'm currently in a rowing club, and I also go running occasionally. At the age of 5, I was diagnosed with congenital adrenal hyperplasia. This means that my adrenal glands go into overdrive when my body experiences stress. My body then produces too much of the androgen testosterone. I've been taking medication for this my whole life. It hasn't been an easy journey for me as an intersex person. I've truly seen the worst of things in my life.
From the beginning, I was told that I was 'different'. But I couldn't talk to anyone about it because I didn't know what the problem was with me. Everything was fine, including at school, but at the same time there were moments when I felt down. Eventually, I started searching things on Google and that's how I came across the word intersex.
"The fact that you're between two genders isn't really important, but people around you make a big deal out of it. That makes it seem much bigger and more abnormal than it actually is."
Everything fell into place. Although I initially resisted labels and didn't want to be labeled as intersex, I realize that this label has truly liberated me. From that moment on, I felt at home in my own body. Getting to know other intersex people significantly strengthened this feeling of belonging. I finally felt that I was completely okay with who I am.
EXPERIENCING SPORT AS AN INTERSEX PERSON
There is still a lot of shame surrounding this issue. It's difficult not to be able to talk about it. I've always felt like I've had to adapt strongly to fit in with my environment, including in sports. This was further reinforced by the fact that as an intersex person, you often hear that when you perform well, it's because of an excess of testosterone.
Sports performance is therefore often linked to your 'deviation' [from the norm]. When I do something well or perform well in sports, I often hear the argument that it's because of the hormones. I think that's a shame. Sports isn't just about physical things, but also about your mindset, how hard you train and how much you're willing to put in. It's your perseverance that helps you win, not just your physique. More attention should be paid to that aspect.
"I never wanted to excel and always held back to avoid standing out. That way, I felt like I could still belong to the group. I would automatically underperform."
You just want to do your thing below the norm, but you're often discriminated against because you have too many male hormones. In my case, I can't even do official sports anyway. I get disqualified for taking cortisone. That's too much hassle and stress for me. I'd rather enjoy sports at a recreational level where I know what I can do.
ACCEPTANCE WITHIN MY ROWING CLUB
Within sports, I was always very much accepted as 'An'. When I was younger, I didn't really come out about having an intersex variation. It was most important for me then to be myself, and that was possible. This is partly because my intersex variation isn't really visible; for other people, this is the case, and then everything becomes more difficult. Acceptance always depends very much on how you look. In my swimming club, for example, I never had a problem because I was seen as a biological girl. I can imagine that it's much harder for intersex women who, for example, have a lot of body hair, to feel comfortable in the water.
I came out as intersex in my rowing club almost immediately. One day we were talking about sexuality and gender. I started talking about being intersex and I immediately noticed that everyone was genuinely interested. That was really great and I saw it as a positive development. I therefore feel very safe in my rowing club. There is really space to talk and I am constantly given 'seeds' to teach the other members and trainers about gender and intersex issues.
After my positive experiences in the rowing club, I'm even more aware of how important it is to surround yourself with positive people. There will always be people who understand that everyone is beautiful, regardless of their gender. Those are the people you should surround yourself with.
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Want to know more about intersex? Feel free to visit the website of Intersex Flanders.